


beneath the katsura tree

by lunariaans



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Nohr | Conquest Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7431017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunariaans/pseuds/lunariaans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cicadas, that's all she hears as she awaits an answer. They chirp and they sing in the forest behind them as they sit in the shade of a Katsura tree in the grass that's too green and too bright.</p><p>au where hinata and oboro survive conquest route</p>
            </blockquote>





	beneath the katsura tree

**Author's Note:**

> Hinata and Oboro have to live with this guilt that they couldn't protect their liege, their best friend. Hah, I love making myself sad.

"Do you remember what it was like...before all of this?"

Cicadas, that's all she hears as she awaits an answer. They chirp and they sing in the forest behind them as they sit in the shade of a Katsura tree in the grass that's too green and too bright.

He doesn't look at her; he looks out at the camp, at the tents being taken down and the supplies being moved, all taken back to the capital of Hoshido. The war was over.

"Sorta," he says quietly, his hands resting against his stomach as he sits up against the tree. "It's kinda hard to though."

She looks at those hands, at the shadows that form where his knuckles and bones run beneath the skin. He has strong ones, calluses on the palms, tough pads on his fingertips that feel rough against skin; she watches as he places thumbs against those palms and then fingers over that as he presses down firmly. They give under the tension with a satisfying popping sound. The cicadas seem to chirp louder in response.

She's always hated the sound of cicadas, she's never really been fond of bugs, but now she didn't seem to mind the noise as much; they were the only familiar thing there for her.

Well, it wasn't the _only_ familiar thing; he was there too.

Her longtime friend and fellow retainer, he was the most familiar thing she could find right now. She had attached herself to him like some annoying little kid ever since their lord had left, ever since he had--

She doesn't like thinking of it.

She's been so upset and so lonely and so _empty_ ever since that fateful day at the wall. She wishes that she would've just died instead of being spared by those gods awful Nohrians, she wishes he hadn't of saved her.

"What do we do now?" he asks, and she turns to see that his brow is furrowed with his eyes still on the camp. "You know, since we don't really have a job anymore."

"They offered to let us remain in the Royal Guard," she reminds him, but he just lets out a weak sigh.

"It's not the same," he says, pushing himself to sit up a little straighter against the tree. He tugs at a strand of his dark hair. "I don't know if I can stand to go back. All those years, all those memories."

She pulls her knees up to her chest and nods weakly. Life as she knew it was coming to an end, for a second time, all destroyed by Nohrians once again. She feels numb.

"Yeah," she agrees, but she doesn't like the idea of leaving it all behind. She knows it must be done though, that it would hurt too much to return to the castle, that it hurts too much just sitting here near the capital.

"I'm going to go back to my parents' hometown," she says, saying it out loud for the first time. "Open up a kimono shop; get away from all of this."

"A kimono shop," he muses, and she watches as his eyebrows furrow once again. "You've always liked that kinda stuff."

"It's in my blood. You could stand to dress up every once in a while," she jokes, but the jab falls short; it's not the same as before.

"Don't need some fancy kimono for what I do," he replies but he sounds dejected; she really _hates_ how the once playful attitude he always held in his voice is now gone, extinguished like a flame. When everyone else is around, he fakes it like everything is okay, but when it is just them alone, he allows his walls to crumble until he is just a shell of his former self. She _really_ hates it.

She rubs circles with her thumbs over her knees. When she speaks she is quiet, she doesn't want to upset him, and it reminds her of how everyone has been treating _both_ of them ever since that day. Like they are some fragile doll, a doll that's already been broken once before so it's put on the shelf for display to save from further damage. People tiptoe around their feelings, carefully planning out what to say to them before they say it. She likes dressing up but she does _not_ like being treated like that doll.

She's a warrior, she has to tell herself when things feel the worse, not some doll. But even then, she doesn't always feel like one.

"What is it that you do now?" she asks, voice small and quiet. He shifts uncomfortably next to her.

"Maybe I'll do farm work, manual labor," he says in a voice just as quiet. "Anything really."

She imagines him working the fields in the hot Hoshidan sun, wiping the sweat from his brow with dirtied hands. She frowns. "Why that?"

"Why a kimono shop?" he asks, but she knows he knows the obvious answer.

She lays her head against her knees and looks at him long and hard; he has yet to look back.

"That's always been my contingency plan, in case anything like _this_ ever happened."

His eyes shift to the side. She plays with the frayed ends of her boots.

"I'm not sure I want to be alone though, I'm so used to everyone around," she admits.

"It'll be hard to be so far away," he agrees. "No one will want you to leave."

"That's why I'm not telling anyone that I'm leaving."

That gets his head to snap towards her.

"What?"

"It'll be easier that way, for everyone."

"Oboro-"

"No one has to fret over me being far away."

Maybe she's delusional and she's just trying to convince herself that she's in the right.

"You can't just up and disappear like that."

"I can do as I please."

" _Oboro_."

" _What_?" The word comes out harsher than she wants it to. Why couldn't she just have her way, just once in this damn life?

She's startled as he grabs her hand, as he scoots a little closer to her and squeezes that hand like his life depends on it, and thinking about it, about their situation, maybe it does.

"People will worry more if you just leave without a word," he says, and she looks into his dark eyes, the ones he's been hiding for quite some time. "They'll think you died or something."

She rips her hand from his as she turns her head away this time. She didn't care, let them.

She wishes she had.

"I'll be fine, they don't have to worry."

"So _tell_ them they don't have to worry, don't just leave everyone in the dark."

She pouts, refusing to acknowledge that he was right. People would worry more if she just left without a word than if she were to tell them. But that didn't change the fact that she was still stubborn.

"I want to go far, far away. Away from everything here. I don't want to be reminded of this life, of anything in it."

She hears him inhale deeply. She holds her own breath as she awaits the exhale.

"Not even me?"

She feels her heart drop. He's been a part of her life for such a long time, they've been through so much together, they fought side by side in battles to protect their liege. Even though they were pretty serious about their loyalty to him and competitive to a fault, he was still one of her greatest friends. Did she really want to forget him too, all those years? All those memories?

She stares down at her knees, at the hands that cover them and how different they are from his. They're smaller, not as callused and not as rough, but perhaps just as strong.

"I don't know," she whispers, and she clenches her hands tightly.

"Oboro," he says softly, and she is then surprised when she sees his hand in front of her face and then feel the heat from it as he places it on her opposite cheek. He pushes her face to look at him and she is met with troubled eyes.

She sees his Adam's apple bob up then down as he swallows, she sees the way a bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face, the heat reaching them even in the shade of their tree. She doesn't like this.

He studies her for a moment, his hot hand still on her cheek, and she can't help but let out a small breath, at the untamable boy that sits in front of her with such tender emotions.

"Don't go where I can't follow," he says with such a raw voice, and she can't help it when she lets out a small whimper and dips her mouth into a frown for the smallest second.

No, she won't cry, she's shed enough tears.

That's what she would like to believe.

"Oboro," he says again, but his voice cracks on the last syllable, and he grips her shoulders, that tight squeeze still there.

" _Oboro_ ," he repeats, and the next thing she knows she's pressed against him, against his shaking shoulders as her wraps tight arms around her back. She sits there awkwardly as he cries against her and she feels her own emotions start to bubble beneath the surface.

"Don't leave me here," he cries, sniffing in between words. His voice is so close to her ear, his plea so loud and clear to her. "You're all I have left."

All he has left of his liege.

She feels a wetness on her cheeks; she feels a pain in her heart. She feels him but he's not who he used to be; he is no longer that sunny boy with the bright smile, he's that decommissioned retainer with a guilt hung over his head.

She pushes him away.

She hastily wipes at her own tears, refusing to let him see her cry, even though he had shown his own weakness so openly to her just now. She feels bad; was he really so upset over her leaving that he would just up and cry like that? Wasn't he leaving too, going to pursue his own new life?

Maybe he was just too emotionally drained from this entire war. He wasn't in his right mind; how could he be?

She can't make herself look at that sad face of his, that disheartened look. Who was she to deny him her company?

"Hinata," she says, but she sounds nasally; she sniffs loudly. This _wasn't_ him, not the Hinata she knew. "I'm not staying."

"I know that."

"Then stop crying."

He lets out a hollow laugh though there is no humor behind it, and rolls his eyes, disbelief written on his face along with the tear tracks. "Tell yourself that."

She punches him in the arm but he doesn't flinch. Instead he reaches forward, grabbing the sides of her face with both hands, searching her eyes with a desperation that doesn't really suit him.

"Take me with you," he begs, voice nearly breathless, voice pleading. "I wanna go where you go."

"Hinata," she says dejected, reaching up to grip his wrists. She can't start a new life if a piece of her old one was there with her.

"Don't make me say goodbye to you too."

Her breath hitches and her eyes sting as she feels a whole new wave of emotions start to take over.  The truth was neither of them got to say goodbye to their liege, everything had happened so fast. In the blink of an eye he was gone, falling from the great height of the wall in a poetically tragic way.

She can remember it plainly, clear as day. She watched in horror from her position against the stone of the wall, too broken and too bloody to do anything. Her liege stands up on the ledge, arguing with the traitor that was his supposed sibling, his own flesh and blood. Nohr had been chosen instead of Hoshido.

She remembers how her liege did not look well, how ghostly pale he looked as he raised his voice, a tumultuous light like she's never seen hidden behind his eyes. He had shouted out hateful words towards the false sibling, the traitor, and then he said something she could not hear.

And she would never hear those words either as she saw him breath in deeply, spreading his arms out to the sides in a T and closing his eyes as he started to lean backwards.

She remembers trying to shout out, to scream, to yell, to do something, but her body had not been in compliance with her. She remembers lying there helpless and she remembers how the traitor lunged forward to grab him and she remembers the way he fell backwards with an impossible grace.

She remembers how tragically beautiful it had been, like some noble death from an old storybook.  But the man who was up on that wall, the man that declared himself an enemy of Nohr and of his blood sibling, that angry man was not her liege, not the one she knew. That man was not Lord Takumi much like how the boy next her now was not Hinata. 

She's shaken from her memories as a calmer Hinata moves his thumbs under her eyes and across her cheeks; she had ended up crying anyways. She gives in, placing her face in her hands as she finally starts to sob. This life truly was awful.

She's the one being comforted this time as he pulls her into his chest once again; though this time she doesn't push away.

She lets him hold her, she lets him run a hand against her back lightly, the heat from it making her unbearably warm through the fabric of her han-juban. She lets him shush her and hold her and apologize for making her cry. She lets him because she can't do it herself anymore.

She's tried so hard to keep all of this in, to keep it from hurting other people, but maybe she didn't try hard enough.

She didn't try hard enough to save her liege.

She sobs harder at the thought of everything lost; his life, her job, her joy. She deserved to tumble off that wall with him. Hinata didn't deserve this guilt and this pain, she did, and Hinata didn't deserve to feel the need to leave the castle, _she did_.

It had to be all her fault, no one else's.

She clutches to the front of his shirt with a desperation she's never felt before; if she was all he had left then the same went for her.

"I'm sorry," she tries saying through the sobs, but she's not sure if he'll understand her.

"For what?" he asks, and she can tell that he's started to cry again too. What a pair of emotional messes.

For everything. She's sorry for everything she's put him through.

After a few minutes of muffled sobs and shaking shoulders, they calm enough for her to speak but neither of them dare to move.

"Come with me if you like," she tells his chest, and she can feel his heartbeat speed up and his grip around her back tighten a little. It makes her feel...better.

"Thank you," he replies, and one hand goes up to the back of her head, pushing her even further into him.

They would leave the castle, the capital, everything they knew behind, and they would go far, far away. Away from everything there.

They'll start a new life; she'll open a kimono shop and he'll work the fields and they'll still be friends and things will be like they've always been, just slightly different. They can live a beautiful lie together and everything will be all right.

Her body is starting to feel stiff but she doesn't want to let go of the only comfort she has left.

He breathes in deeply and his chest rises against her. She closes her eyes and loosens her grip on his shirt.

"Hinata-"

She opens her eyes and she's greeted with the sight of a sunny afternoon, her back against the trunk of the Katsura tree, the grass too green and too bright in front of her.

Cicadas chirp and sing in the forest behind her, calling to one another in hopes of finding a friend.

She looks to her right and Hinata is there, propped up against the tree, eyes closed and fast asleep. His brow is slightly furrowed even now, like he's having an intense dream. She wishes to see him look peaceful one day.

In the distance she can see the camp being taken apart; tents coming down and supplies being taken back. The war really was over.

The cicadas always seem to be louder the hotter it is; she uses the back of her hand to wipe away the beads of sweat on her forehead.

She feels her stomach churn as she stands, as she's about to do something she knows she ought not. She'll do it anyways because she knows she must.

She looks down at Hinata, the only thing she has left, and she wonders what will happen when he wakes up. She worries for him.

She leans down next to his face, it's the closest she's ever been to it, and she hesitates for a moment before lightly planting a kiss on his forehead.

She's worried that he's going to wake up and stop her when she sees his face twitch ever so slightly, but he stills once again. She stands back up.

She takes one last look at the camp, one last look at him sleeping quietly (but not peacefully) beneath the shade of the Katsura tree. She'll miss him very much.

She'll miss him, but she knows that if he really wants to, he'll come and find her anyways and everything will be the same as before. She harbors a wish deep within her heart that that's exactly what he'll do.

She turns and walks away, away from the camp, away from him, away from everything she's known for a good chunk of her life. She walks away from it all without a word; she'll have to start her third life alone.

_Don't go where I can't follow._

For the first time in a while, she smiles to herself.

She's shed enough tears.

**Author's Note:**

> :') yay....


End file.
